Self-preservation will require you to lose a lot of arguments.

is it worth it?

You’ve just gotten into a terrible argument with someone with drastically opposing beliefs than yourself. You believe their takes are ignorant, problematic and at times full blown bigotry. You had to speak up and say something. These people can not walk the Earth unchallenged so you stepped in.

Now, let’s assess the post-outcome of this argument. You’re now tired. You’re sweating, blood pressure and nervous system is shaken and skyrocketing. Even your eyes are blood-shot red with fury and your voice is hoarse from screaming with all you might. Guess what? The person you just got into a shouting match with still thinks the same. You did all that and still they haven’t change their mind.

You tell me, what was that for?

Self-preservation should be the upmost important thing to you in this world, especially so as a woman. Triple, quadruple it’s necessity if you’re a black woman.
The energy we have already is used up frequently just by day to day challenge and personal issues. What’s left of us is our responsibility as adults to restore and maintain. We can not do that effectively if we are people who do not know how to pick their battles very wisely. Maturity is understanding you do not need to attend every argument even heated debate you get an invitation to. Maturity is being able to let go of the egotistical, impulsive need to prove others wrong regardless of doing so would bring tasty, satisfaction. Instead of leaving an argument weary, you can leave a minor uncomfortable situation quickly with all your mental clarity and energy available to enjoy the rest of your day, call or visit a true friend or be involved in a hobby for a few extra hours. Arguing is vampiristic and the person who is the most passionate typically is who has their blood drained dry.

I know this is not easy. There are people are professional antagonizers who are excellent at going low and getting under your skin but that is their whole point. To get you to take the bait and bite down. To feed off of you, to pull attention out of you they don’t receive normally. The chaos of fighting is not poison to everyone. Sometimes it feels like home to people who grew up in it and is stunted in that realm of misery. To a person living in tormented loneliness, bait is how they get you to come over and be the company they’ve been desperate for and you don’t even know it. You are their comfort. You are their charging station.

I bring this up because today we live in the era of antagonization. From the top of an oppressive government down to local content creators online who rage bait anyone who can generate clicks into checks. In an attention economy and a culture of people who find a high plus, a steady income simply being cruel a person who is desperate to react and dispute what is said wrong is an absolute fool. Antagonizers are getting filthy rich on people’s inability to realize arguing back does not work. My mother used to say “those who can not listen, must feel” and since listening is apparently the most arduous skill of our new world the only way people can understand if they feel it. Financially, mentally, spiritually, physically … by someone else.

The great thing about people of opposition is if you stand for respect, love and dignity that only means they don’t. People who don’t don’t live by a base level morality do not live in calm. Sometimes to get back all you need to do is give a person enough space to be exactly who they are. If they’re as bad as you say they are you will not be the last person they attempt to get into it with nor will you be the worst. Their narcissism will lead them to a path where they will meet their ultimate match and you simply need to get out of their way for them to meet their destiny.

I can not tell you the amount of times I’ve had someone try to childishly provoke into having my energy siphoned, I rejected by gray walling/gray rocking the invitation. I let them have that imaginary win in their heads and later on, months or even years after I found out they’re met their delicious karma with someone else down their path someway somehow. I didn’t have to lift a finger nor my voice because some people’s worst karma is themselves. Those who told me I was being a pushover for not jumping in when invited to would tell me “damn, you were right" I didn’t need to clapback. All I needed was patience. The ultimate master’s skill.

As my readers go through the world and meet these types of immature, hostile characters I want them to remember this. Nothing and I mean nothing on this planet is more important than yourself self-preservation. Your mental health, your internal peace and how it effects you physical well-being is your treasure. I don’t doubt their will be times you absolutely need to stand up, shout and speak up for yourself but moments when that reaction counts are so so so far and few in between. It takes the wisdom of discernment to decide what’s worth it and what’s just not. Over time as you experience life and more personalities that discernment becomes sharper. Allow those experiences to build you, teach you you not deteriorate you. Self-preservation is the conversation of your loving spirit, a way you tell your soul it has a larger purpose for more essential and powerful things on Earth. You are more extraordinary than an argument with a person who had already lost themselves.